


alcohol and triple chocolate cake

by regina_milfs



Category: Once Upon A Time - Fandom
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-03
Updated: 2016-02-03
Packaged: 2018-05-17 23:23:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5889142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/regina_milfs/pseuds/regina_milfs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Regina's birthday, and the Queens of Darkness and Emma have decided to take her out. When they go to a club and Regina sees someone getting a lap dance, she mentions she'd like one too. The four conjure up a devious plan, and soon, Regina finds herself in a chair sitting in the middle of an empty room with a bright light shining on her, and is that- </p><p>o h. </p><p>Now there's someone grinding on her and touching her and she doesn't know what to do with her hands. </p><p>This dance is really nice, but she'd much rather have Emma giving her the sensual dance instead. </p><p>(Yeah I really suck at summaries but basically there's sex so, there ya go).</p>
            </blockquote>





	alcohol and triple chocolate cake

**Author's Note:**

> So, I know I'm a day late, but yesterday was the birthday of one of my favorite people in the entire world, and I decided to write this for a friend. In honor of that, I got a lot of birthday prompts from otpprompts over on tumblr.
> 
> Also, sorry I didn't add any additional tags. SOMEONE was getting impatient, not saying any names *cough* deceptivelycomplex3925 *cough* so I just decided to post it.
> 
> Without further ado, here is the end result, and happy belated birthday Regina Mills!

Nearly as soon as Regina opens the door, three blurs of color whizz past her and head for the stairs.

"Hey, what are you- Mal? What are you guys doing here?"

"Regina, dear, did you  _forget_?" Mal asks, turning around just as Cruella and Ursula are already nearly halfway up the staircase. "It's a very special lady's birthday, and we are going to celebrate accordingly."

Regina rolls her eyes and just as she is about to close the front door, a booted foot stops her.

"Regina, I swear I tried to convince them that you'd rather just chill and watch a movie or something, but they insisted on taking you out."

"Yes, thank you for the reassurance, dear." She moves aside so that Emma can come inside, and they both start to make their way towards the stairs to see what the Queens of Darkness have gotten into  _this_ time. "I'd like to assume you have plans for our son while we are away?"

"Regina, he's fourteen, I think he can take care of himself."

"Emma Swan, I am  _not_ leaving my son alone."

"Woah, chill, woman. I was joking. He's at my parent's."

Regina stares at her, deadpan. "That's not much better; that's like asking two five year olds to look after him." Emma rolls her eyes as they finally reach the top of the stairs, going into Regina's room and finding the three others rummaging through Regina's closet.

"Regina's right, dear," Maleficent says as she emerges from the closet, wielding a black, tight, leather cocktail dress. "I think your mini-me will most likely be looking after your  _parents._ "

Emma huffs as she throws her hands up in the air and starts to walk away. "All of you guys are assholes!"

"I never said anything!" Ursula defends. She mumbles to Cruella, "Mal only said what I was thinking."

"I heard that!" Emma yells from downstairs.

"How could you possibly have heard that? I whispered!"

"I didn't actually hear you but now I know you said something undermining my ability to choose applicable babysitters!"

"Can you idiots quit acting like children and  _shut the hell up?"_

They all stare at Regina.

"Now don't tell me  _all_ of you are coming tonight."

They all stare at Regina.

"Oh gods help me. I am screwed."

* * *

 

Four hours, seven bars, and approximately fifteen drinks later (they'd all lost count at about... three), Regina knows she's  _officially_ screwed.

She can already feel the alcohol buzzing through her veins and the terrible hangover she's going to have tomorrow morning, and jesus  _fuck_ how has Emma suddenly become so attractive? Has she always been this hot? Maybe it's Regina's beer goggles. Or maybe it's the black lingerie the blonde is wearing.

Wait, no. Nope.

She is definitely  _not_ wearing lingerie. Not even close. She's wearing skinny jeans that accentuate her thighs and hug her ass and a white tank top. Not lingerie. That is most definitely something Regina's brain has conjured up due to the extensive amount of alcohol she's consumed.

Either way, Emma is still  _really_ fucking hot.

As they walk into bar eight (stumble, really; Regina's not even sure where they are anymore, and she can't google the name of the bar because she can't even see it due to her blurred vision. Plus, she's pretty sure she remembers that sometime during the night, Mal had taken her phone and shoved it in Emma's pants because Regina was 'checking up on Henry too much and needed to let loose, and if she wanted her phone back she would have to reach into Emma's pants and get it.' She had tried, but Mal had yanked Emma away and said something along the lines of 'now now, I'm all about Queen Swan, but not in public. You're not getting your phone back.' Who was this Queen Swan anyways?), Regina's eyes widen and fall upon the copious amount of women,  _half-naked_ women scattered around the building.

"Are we in a gay club?" Regina asks as her eyes scan the room.

"Who knows?" Mal asks.

"Who  _cares_?" Emma says as her eyes widen and fall on a scantily clad girl, who's grinding and caressing  _private_ parts on the girl sitting in the chair beneath her.

"What is  _that?"_  Regina asks, eyes widening and glazing over.

"You mean, you've lived in the real world for over thirty years and you've never experienced the glory of a lap dance?" Ursula asks with widened eyes.

"Oh jesus, honey," Maleficent says as she places her hand on the small of Regina's back. "You haven't lived."

" _I_ want one of those."

Maleficent and Emma and basically everyone  _except_ Regina share a deviant look.

"Well, it  _is_ your birthday and we  _did_ bring you to a club and you  _are_ drunk and gay as hell, and-"

"Woah, I'm not gay," Regina says as she looks at Maleficent with wide eyes.

"Honey, everyone already knows all about you and me and all the things we did back in the Enchanted Forest, you don't have to hide it anymore."

"Oh, phew," Regina exhales, smiling as they all make their way closer to the girl giving a lap dance.

"Wait, I didn't know," Emma says as she catches up to them, when she had previously been standing in the entrance, eyes wide and mouth agape. "What  _exactly_ happened between you two in the Enchanted Forest?"

Mal and Regina share a smirk. "That's a story for another time, dear."

Emma rolls her eyes at Regina.

"But now," Ursula starts, "who are we to deny the birthday girl's wishes?"

"Whatever," Emma huffs. "I'm going to the bathroom."

"Hurry, so you don't miss the mayor's first lap dance!"

Emma blows Cruella off with a wave of her hand as she makes her way through the throngs of women and towards the back.

"You can choose someone you know personally to give you a lap dance," Ursula says.

"I could give you one, for old time's sake," Mal says as she leans in towards Regina, and the brunette rolls her eyes and shoves Mal playfully. The blonde chuckles, interlacing arms with Regina.

"We all know who you'd rather have," Cruella says, a smirk playing at the corners of her mouth. "But unfortunately, she hasn't returned from the bathroom yet."

Regina glares at them, mumbling, "You're all assholes."

"Lighten up, Reggie," Mal says as she elbows Regina in the side. If looks could kill, she would sure be  _murdered_ by the way Regina's looking at her now.

"Call me that again and there won't be anything of you left for you to  _give_  me a lap dance."

"Can we go sit down?" Ursula whines, "My feet are starting to hurt."

"I suppose we can, just to wait for Emma." 

They all make their way towards the center of the room, and Maleficent pulls out a chair for Regina to sit down in.

There's a loud, monotone click and Regina blinks rapidly as she realizes that her friend's are no longer beside her, and there's a bright, blinding light shining directly on her. She raises her hand to her eyebrows and squints her eyes as she tries to find the source of the light.

_A spotlight._

_Shit._

If Regina thought she was screwed earlier, she is especially screwed right now. 

"Maleficent, Ursula!" She calls out. "Cruella! You're all dead!" She stands up once she realizes she's in a room all by herself, but before she can even take the first step, there's warm hands on her shoulders shoving her back down into the chair.

"Mm-mm, you can't leave," calls a sultry voice nearly  _directly_ in her ear.

She hears heels clicking on the tile floor as the woman behind her starts making her way to the front, her hands trailing along Regina's jawline. 

"I hear it's your birthday," the dancer purrs as she comes in front of Regina, bending down. Regina's eyes widen as she catches a glimpse of the dancer's long, tan legs that are accentuated by mid-rise jean shorts and stilettos. If they can even be considered shorts, seeing as Regina can see her ass hanging out from beneath them. 

_Fuck._

This dancer is  _really_ fucking hot. 

Regina's eyes move up her body, taking in her white tank top and shorts again. The dancer stands up, turning towards the brunette as her hands move to the hem of her tank top. She pulls it over her head, and Regina gasps out as her eyes fall upon the black lace bra that is pushing the dancer's breasts up dramatically, so dramatically that they could almost give the corsage's that she used to wear as the Evil Queen a run for their money ( _almost_ ). 

Her hands move down her sides as her hips sway to the beat of the music, her fingers deftly undoing the three buttons on her shorts. She lets them slip down her legs, kicking them off and throwing them somewhere Regina can't see (well she probably could if she tried, but her eyes are far too focused on  _other_ things right now. Far more important things). 

The dancer moves to walk around Regina, a sort of purposefulness in the way she walks, her hand falling on Regina's shoulder. The brunette gasps as she sees the lace thong the dancer is wearing, and her mouth dries as she realizes that this dancer's ass looks sort of like Emma's.

_Emma._

Is she back from the bathroom yet, or is she missing Regina's first lap dance? She better at least see the end of it, or the brunette swore-

_Jesus fucking sh-_

The dancer comes around to the front again, taking a seat in Regina's lap. 

- _it._

"You can touch me," the dancer purrs into Regina's ear. "Don't be afraid."

Regina shakes her head, but as she looks down at her lap and sees that the dancer is starting to rock her hips into her own, she has to squeeze her eyes shut and bite her bottom lip.

Jesus, this dancer  _really_ knows how to move her hips.

"So there's no one you'd rather be giving you this dance than me?"

Regina purses her lips. "There is someone, but she's in the bathroom." She sighs heavily as she chances opening her eyes and looking down again,  _feeling_ more than seeing the dancer rotate her hips. Regina gasps as she finally manages to get out, "Besides, I imagine she's quite good at...  _dancing,_ but I don't think she is  _this_ good."

"I wouldn't underestimate her," the dancer says. "I learned the hard way that often, you underestimate just how much a woman can do. In fact, the woman I've wanted to bed for four years is... she's quite a bit harder to read than many of the other women I've been with."

"Well, I know it wouldn't take much for you to bed  _me._ You really know how to get a woman going." Regina lets out a breathy laugh as she adds, "I am royally screwed right now."

"Hopefully, I'm the only one who will be getting royally screwed tonight, Your Majesty."

"What? How did you-" This is the moment that Regina realizes she'd been too enraptured by the dancer's beautiful body that she didn't even look up to see how perfect her face was, too.

And when she looks up, she truly wishes she hadn't.

" _Emma._ "

The blonde smiles down at her as she wraps her arms around Regina's neck, and the brunette has to close her eyes as she wills away the wave (forget wave, more like a freaking  _tsunami)_ of arousal courses through her and rocks her to her very core. 

"I can't believe you doubted me, Regina," Emma says, a smirk playing at her lips, and  _jesus,_ she  _really_ doesn't need to smile at Regina like  _that_ while simultaneously grinding her hips against Regina's. 

"I- I'm sorry."

Emma bites her bottom lip as she grinds her hips down harshly against Regina's, fingers lacing through Regina's hair as she pushes her chest up and towards Regina's face. Regina lets her eyes flutter closed and purses her lips, eyebrows furrowing as if she's in physical pain. Maybe she is, because she's never been this aroused in her life and knowing that it's Emma Swan doesn't help any, and she's quite sure she's about to explode.

"So you- I-" Regina shakes her head. "I'm confused."

"The difficult woman I've wanted to sleep with for four years, Regina? It's  _you._ " She accentuates the last sentence with a particularly sensual roll of her hips as her lips brush Regina's jawline, and the brunette involuntarily lets out a whimper.

Emma leans closer, and Regina inhales deeply, eyes fluttering as she smells sex and apples and lavender and something uniquely  _Emma._

"Happy birthday, Regina," Emma husks, licking the shell of her ear before nibbling on her earlobe.

"Jesus  _fuck,_ " Regina whimpers, knuckles turning white as she holds onto the edges of the chair as if her life depends on it. " _Emma,_ I can't-  _god._ "

"Touch me, Regina," Emma whimpers into her ear as she places one hand on Regina's thigh and one on the back of the chair. "Put your hands on me."

Regina's hands instantly fly to the blonde's hips, nails digging into her soft skin as she continues to roll and grind and swirl. The hand on the back of the chair finds Regina's side, the one on her thigh moving between Regina's legs. The brunette clenches her thighs, and the leather of her dress creaks. 

"You look so fucking hot in leather," Emma comments, lips brushing against Regina's jawline, and the brunette looks up. Their eyes meet and their lips clash almost instantly, both of them whimpering involuntarily at the contact. As Emma moves her hand further up Regina's thighs, the brunette licks Emma's bottom lip. Emma's mouth parts on a whimper as Regina's hands move to her ass and grope it roughly, pulling Emma closer as Regina slips her tongue inside of the blonde's mouth.

Emma's fingertips meet wet lace and she teases, fingers barely grazing the fabric as Regina licks the roof of Emma's mouth and her hands blindly grasp for Emma's bra clasp. 

She finally finds it and once it's undone, she throws Emma's bra off and her mouth instantly latches onto a taut nipple at the same time that Emma pushes lace aside. The brunette maneuvers her leg until it's between both of Emma's, and the blonde whimpers as it brushes up against her center. Regina whimpers as Emma teases her once again, groaning as Regina nibbles on the flesh of her breast and flicks her tongue across her other nipple.

"Emma, I swear, if you don't stop teasing me and-  _fuck,_ " the brunette whimpers as Emma slides two fingers into her velvet walls, thumb stroking her clit as she continues to grind her hips against her hand at the same time that she's grinding herself against Regina's leg.

"So long, Regina," Emma finally gets out, but Regina can barely hear it over the sound of her own pants. "I've wanted this for so long. Wanted  _you_ for so long."

" _Emma._ "

"Fuck, don't say my name like that... I really need... I need you to-" She's cut off by her own whimper when Regina's fingernails dig into the flesh of her ass and she buries her face in the blonde's chest, her soft brunette locks tickling at Emma's collarbone and breasts.

"Fuck, Emma, I  _can't_."

"Tell me what you need, Regina." The pace of Emma's fingers and the rhythm of her hips quicken as they both near climax, Regina rocking her leg up against Emma. 

"I-  _Emma!_ " 

" _Fuck,_ Regina," Emma groans out, her free hand coming to bury in Regina's hair and pull the brunette closer as they both orgasm, their bodies stilling before convulsing. 

The spotlight that had previously been blinding Regina sparked violently before they heard the lightbulbs bust as they both fell limply against each other, Emma nuzzling her face in Regina's neck and Regina's still buried in Emma's chest.

They both try to regain their breathing in the darkness, their pants and whimpers filling the air that smells strongly of busted light bulbs and sex.

"Emma," the brunette whispers, one of her hands coming the brush the blonde's hair out of her face. "Take me home."

She feels Emma press a soft kiss to her neck before she stands up, and Regina gasps as the cool air hits where Emma had been sitting on her leg, the blonde's arousal still coating it. 

Emma starts to put her clothes on, but Regina jumps up so quickly that she knocks over the chair. 

"Come on." She grabs Emma's hand and yanks her out of the room, scanning the hallway before finding the EXIT door. They walk quickly, and as soon as Regina shoves the door open, she's pressed against the brick wall right beside the door. She gasps as her bare skin meets the cool brick, Emma's hands cupping her face and her lips moving against Regina's.

"What was that for?" Regina asks a few seconds later, breathless as Emma pulls away and stares intently into her eyes.

"Kissing you is just so much better than I ever imagined," Emma smiles. Regina bites her bottom lip before smiling up at Emma and cupping her face, bringing her into  quick kiss again. 

"Come on, now. We aren't waiting for them," Regina says as she takes Emma hand and they start walking to nowhere in particular. 

"But what are-"

Emma's cut off when Regina flicks her hand and they disappear in a cloud of purple smoke, just as the EXIT door flies open.

"Damn it," Maleficent says as she sees the smoke dissipating. 

"Hey, Mal! I think I know why they left!" Ursula calls from inside the club. "You might want to come take a look at this."

Mal curses under her breath as she takes another glance around outside, letting the door close behind her as she makes her way to where Cruella is standing outside of the private room. 

"Oh shit."

Mal's eyes widen as she takes in the ruined room, illuminated only by the flashlight on Cruella's phone. The light was busted, the chair was knocked over, and it was empty and completely disheveled. 

"Maybe we were right," Cruella says, sighing heavily. "Maybe the mayor didn't take well to the fact that Sheriff Swan was the one giving her a lap dance."

"No," Ursula says from the middle of the room. "I don't think that's what happened."

"What?" Mal asks, stepping into the room and making her way towards Ursula and the chair. The sea creature points at the white stain on the chair. 

"That don't look like a stain from someone who  _'didn't take to it well._ '"

They all three sigh as they stare at the chair. 

"Well, who's driving the Mutt Mobile home?" Mal asks as she holds up the keys to Cruella's car. 

Crue snatches the keys out of her hands and glares at her as she steps around Ursula. "It's  _not_ a Mutt Mobile, and  _I_ will be driving." 

"Wait, who says we can't have a little more fun?" Ursula says, and Cruella stops. 

"I mean, I guess we  _could_ stay and have a few more drinks," Mal shrugs.

"Even though we have an hour long drive, we all know that even though Regina used her magic, they're going to be rolling around in the sack for a  _lot_ longer than that," Cruella adds.

"Okay, so maybe one more drink?" Ursula asks.

Maleficent looks back at the chair. "Or five, maybe six."

* * *

Emma gives Regina's center one last lick and the brunette is digging her fingernails into her scalp and her heel into her back, her own back arching in pleasure as she cries out Emma's name. Her other heel digs into her carpeted floor and Emma licks away the last remnants of Regina's climax as the brunette plops onto the bed. 

Emma's hand trails down Regina's calf as she reaches her foot and pulls the brunettes stiletto off, placing a soft kiss to the bottom of her foot before reaching for the other leg and doing the same. 

She climbs up the bed, leaving a trail of kisses from the brunette's ankle, up her calf and thigh, on her hip, on each one of her ribs, then her breastbone, up her neck and jawline, and then a soft one on her lips before she nuzzles her nose and leaves a kiss on Regina's cheek.

"Happy bir-  _I love you -_ thday," Emma blurts out. Her eyes widen and her cheeks tinge crimson red as Regina looks up at her with an unidentifiable expression on her face. 

"What did you say?" she asks.

"I said happy birthday."

"No, the other thing," Regina says, smiling brightly up at the blonde, her hands coming to rest on Emma's sides. 

"I like waffles?" Emma guesses, and Regina chuckles deeply as the blonde smiles brightly down at her. "So does that mean-"

"I love you too, Emma." 

The blonde's smile grows wider and brighter as her eyes flicker between Regina's and she leans down, placing a soft kiss to her lips.

She rolls over and plops down on the bed beside Regina, staring up at the ceiling as she says, "So do you, like... Do you think we are meant to be or whatever?"

"As in, do I think you're my True Love?" 

"Yeah, I mean... do you think we were destined to be together?"

Emma chances a glance at her and sees Regina looking at her in a way she's never seen Regina look at anyone, even Henry.

"I don't know what  _you_ think, but  _I_ knowthat you're my happy ending - you and Henry - and I can only hope that I am yours too."

Emma smiles softly. "You are." She leans in to kiss Regina, and when they pull away she's holding something in her hand. 

"What's th-  _oh,_ Emma," she breathes out, her hand coming to clasp over her mouth as her eyes well up with tears, fingers coming to gently touch the item in Emma's hand.

"It's your birthday present from me," Emma says, handing it over to Regina as the brunette continues to look at in awe. The brunette lets her fingers trace and dip in the curves and lines of the beautiful swan wearing a diamond-embedded crown, carved out of glass. 

"Where did you find it?"

"I found it in Gold's shop, and I thought it was pretty and that you might like it. I thought it was clever 'cause of the swan and the crown, y'know, and- Regina, why are you crying?"

"I haven't seen this in _ages_ ," she exhales. 

"Oh, you've seen it before?"

"I  _owned_ it." She sniffles as she stares at it and reminisces. "My father gave it to me for my eighteenth birthday. After I became the Evil Queen, I had it resting on my vanity in my bedchambers. Every time I would sit at my vanity, I would see it and be remembered of the good times. It nearly kept me from enacting the curse, but it wasn't quite enough. After my father died, after I- I  _killed_ him to satiate own selfish wants, after we came to Storybrooke..." She shakes her head as best as she can while laying down and purses her lips. "I thought it was still in the Enchanted Forest, I never... I'm so glad you found it, Emma." She turns to look at the blonde, smiling softly as Emma wipes away her tears with her thumb.

" _Thank you,_ Emma. I love you." Emma smiles as she leans in and kisses Regina softly, then leaving a kiss on the tip of her nose.

"I love you too." 

Regina turns to set the swan on her bedside table, and when she turns to look at Emma again, she has a devilish smirk planted on her lips.

"When do you think the girls will be back?"

"I dunno," Emma shrugs, eyes following Regina's as the brunette moves to straddle her hips, placing her hands right under Emma's breasts as she leans down. "Hopefully not for a while."

"You want to shoot for round twelve?"

"Are we on twelve? Jeez, I lost count at like three." 

Regina chuckles, "Unless you're too tired?" She asks playfully, an eyebrow arching.

"No, no," Emma says, hands finding Regina's hips and pulling her down so that their lips brush against each other. "I don't want to stop until I pass out."

Regina smiles as Emma presses their lips together, rocking her hips up against Regina's. Emma lets one hand snake between Regina's thighs, stroking her sensitive mound as Regina's hands come up to knead at her own breasts. 

With the combination of Emma's fingers and Regina's hands stroking and kneading and caressing and pinching her still-sensitive skin, the brunette knows it won't be long before she comes. 

"Emma,  _fuck,_ I need your tongue on my-"

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY REGINA!!"

Regina yelps and Emma squeals as Regina jumps off of her, and they both fumble for the comforter in order to cover themselves up. Once they're both decently covered, their heads snap towards the source of the high-pitched voices.

"You know, it was quite rude of you two to just take off without even so much as a goodbye," Maleficent says as the Queens of Darkness make their way into Regina's bedroom. Mal sits on the edge of the bed, staring at her friends. "Although, now I can see why."

"What round are you guys on, anyways?" Ursula asks, eyebrow raising. "Four?"

Emma blushes as she mumbles, "Twelve." 

"Twelve?! Holy shit!" Maleficent yells, smirking at the two of them. "You go, Reggie."

"Maleficent, I've told you a  _thousand_ times-"

"Yeah, yeah, don't call you that." She rolls her eyes. "You used to not mind it as much when I was between your legs, 'oh, Reggie, you t-'"

"Hey!" Emma kicks Maleficent in the side. "Stop talking about your trysts with  _my_ girlfriend." 

"Your  _girlfriend_?" Cruella asks, smirking. "Well, happy birthday to you Regina, from yours truly, the Queens of Darkness."

"So  _that's_ what happened in the Enchanted Forest!" Emma yells. "Regina, you better tell me everything. Were you two like dating, or were you just fuck buddies?"

Everyone ignores Emma.

"You all set this up?" Regina asks, her gaze flickering between her three friends. 

"Is anyone going to answer me?" 

Everyone ignores Emma.

"Do you think Emma magically decided to give you a lap dance  _right_ after you said you wanted one? You don't seriously think we all were oblivious to the fact that you two idiots are madly in love?" Mal asks. "Don't underestimate me, Regina. You know what I'm capable of."

Regina shakes her head, chuckling softly. "You are all assholes." 

They all stare at her as she smiles softly. 

"But I wouldn't trade you for the world." 

"AWW!" Maleficent cries out. "She still has a heart!"

"I always knew you were a softie," Ursula says as they all jump on the bed. Regina and Emma veer back as they all practically throw themselves on top of the new couple, pulling them into a group hug.

"GROUP CUDDLING SESH!" Mal cries out.

"Absolutely not!" comes Regina's reply.

"Aw, c'mon Regina," Emma coughs as she gets a mouthful of Ursula's hair. "It's your birthday and we all love you."

"What's this?" Mal asks.

"That would be my tit," Emma shrieks, pushing Mal away as the dragon removes her hand from Emma's breast. "Maybe that's a no to the group cuddling sesh."

"Okay, fine," Maleficent huffs as they all clamber off of the couple. "But Regina still has to blow out her candles and make a wish." 

"You got me a cake  _too_?" 

"Don't be an ungrateful child, Regina. What's a birthday without a triple chocolate birthday cake with chocolate icing and extra chocolate sprinkles, with a side of birthday cake ice cream?"

"A diabetes-free birthday," Regina huffs.

Maleficent rolls her eyes as her and Ursula and Cruella leave the room. "We'll be waiting in the kitchen for you when you're ready!"

Regina rolls her eyes and rolls on top of Emma again, kissing her softly.

"Time for round twelve."

"What about your candles?"

"I don't need to make a wish, Emma. I have an intelligent son, a beautiful girlfriend, asshole friends, and an idiot step daughter who has an idiot husband." Regina looks down at her and smiles. "I have everything I've ever wanted."

Emma smiles and kisses Regina softly.

"But you  _really_ don't want that cake?" Emma asks.

"Mm-mm."

"Okay, then..." Emma jumps up and flicks her hand, and she's completely dressed as she runs out of the bedroom. "DIBS ON THE FIRST PIECE OF CAKE!"

"NO!" Regina screams as she flicks her hand and runs down the stairs in a pair of skinny jeans and Emma's tank top from the night before. "I GET IT! IT'S  _MY_ BIRTHDAY!"

"I KNEW YOU SECRETLY WANTED THE CAKE!" Emma yells from the kitchen. 

"CHEATER!"

Just as Regina rounds the corner and is about to go into the kitchen, Emma jumps out and Regina is rewarded with a piece of cake to the face. She gasps and Emma chuckles as the Queens of Darkness clap their hands, and Emma puts her arm around Regina's waist as she pulls her closer, kissing her roughly. She licks some of the cake off of her lips and Regina smiles. 

"Happy birthday, Regina. I lo- AW YOU LITTLE SHIT."

Regina chuckles as she wipes some of the icing off of Emma's chin with her finger and licks it clean, slapping Emma's ass as she makes her way into the kitchen to get a piece of cake that  _hasn't_ been shoved in someone's face. 

"Don't start a game you can't win, dear."

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt 1: Imagine your OTP is celebrating A's birthday and that A's friends have invited them both out to go barhopping in town. After a few too many drinks on A's part, A and B stop by a club to rest and see a guest getting a sensual lap dance from one of the workers, and a drunk A admits they would love to be in that guest's spot getting one too. Later, B leaves A in the care of their friends to go to the bathroom and A's friends come to tell A that they got them a lap dancer for a birthday present. A sits down and quickly lets the lap dancer do their work, such as grinding on them and caressing them all over, that they fail to pay attention to who it is until they look up to their face and realize the lap dancer in question is actually B in a much different (and sexier) outfit.
> 
> Prompt 2: It's Person A's birthday, and Person B goes to tell them happy birthday, but accidentally blurts out "I love you." (Bonus if they're not together yet). What Person A does is up to you.
> 
> XXX
> 
> So I hope you all enjoyed this, even though it's a day late... but in my defense, I started writing it yesterday... 
> 
> Be sure to leave reviews, and thank you for taking the time to read this!
> 
> Also, I regret absolutely nothing!


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